Gee, I really need to mull this over…
Running for president is hard work. But promoting your book might be even harder work.
There’s the economy to consider. Publishing has been in the dumpster the past few years. Thousands of editors, publicists, sales people, cover designers, and publishing accountants are in danger of losing their jobs. A Fantastical Andrew Fox for President campaign could save or create, who knows, millions of jobs at Random House and Tachyon Publications.
The slogans simply roll off the tongue…
A copy of Fat White Vampire Blues in every pot!
Leave no Bride of the Fat White Vampire behind!
Give me The Good Humor Man, or give me death!
Sure! I’d just get the National Endowment for the Arts to buy a few hundred thousand copies. I’m the President, right? Or, better yet, if I wanted a worldwide distribution boost, I could order the State Department to buy ten or twenty thousand copies to send as Christmas presents to world leaders and hoity-toits and to stock libraries in key foreign countries… yeah, now we’re cooking with gas, now we’ve got our thinking caps on!
Too crass, you say? Beneath the dignity of an American president? Too Third World comic opera authoritarian? You’re telling me that’s something that, oh, say, Muammar Gaddafi would order his bureaucrats to do (or would have ordered his bureaucrats to do, past tense)?
Merry Christmas, world! Love, U.S. Taxpayers
My friends, do you mean to tell me, in the immortal words of Sinclair Lewis, It Can’t Happen Here?
Ah, but it has. It already has.
